I have been struggling with this

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I have been struggling with something for a few days now.  On Monday after school, my youngest came home from school and was not having a good day.  He said that his father threatened to kill me again this weekend.  (I have since found out that he has done it more weekends than he hasn’t and I just haven’t been told about it).  I called and reported it to the sheriffs office where he lives and I told my son that he needed to tell the counselors at his school (he has been in a Day therapy program).  Of course the deputy said that there isn’t anything they can do about it because he hasn’t actually done anything yet.  What are we to do?  Keep our doors locked and hope and pray that works?  Hope that he is all talk and won’t actually try anything?  Buy a gun with the hopes that I will never have to use it but at the same time learn it backwards and forwards and become a “great shot”, just incase?  Do I have to spend my life looking over my shoulder, watching to make sure he isn’t there, hiding somewhere?  I would love to hear from others that have been thru this.  I have had a protective order on him once and I thought that would have taught him that threatening someone doesn’t have fun consequences.  I would also have thought that he would know that telling your 9 and 11 year old sons that ”if you had 1/2 a brain you would have shot their mother when you had the chance” was wrong.  Why are some men like this?  Why do they find it OK to do this to someone else?  Someone that at one time they claimed to care about…  and if not for that… at least for the kids that they SAY they STILL care about?

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Jamie’s Appointment today

Jamie went to see the surgeon today and he said he was doing well.  We have to go back on June 5th and then we will schedule his next surgery (provided that he doesn’t need it before that). 

I am glad that they aren’t making him do it right away.  I am also thinking of taking a few classes in cake decorating.  I really love to make things and this would be something that I can do from home.  I am also going to apply for a job at the new WalMart that is opening in June.  I am hoping that I can work there part time. 

I have a nurse that will work on two or three days a week so that I can work, we just have to do the schedule for her.  I have to call the agency and tell them what I decide to do.  Well, I will get in to that more later when I decide what to do.  I have to get to Michael’s tomorrow and sign up for my class.  I can get a job in a bakery then.  I think that would be fun and if I am good at it I can do it from my house and make a little money.  More than for the money, I would just like to know how to do it.  I am a creative person.  I am crocheting a blanket for Jamie’s surgeon now.  I will put a picture of it on here when I am done.  OK  I am done for now.  Have a great night!

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Hi to everyone

Things are going along well here.  I hurt my back last week and didn’t do much this week.  The last two days I have been working on cleaning the house and getting some things done around the house.  We haven’t been in our apartment that long and it seems that a lot of “stuff” hasn’t gotten done yet.  We were going to move over last summer so a lot of my stuff was packed up and put in storage.  Finally it is all here and I have been going thru it.  I have been trying to find things to get rid of and get things thinned down some.  I am tired of having so much stuff. 

Jamie goes to the doctor this week for his follow up from his surgery last month and to schedule his next surgery.  I don’t know when it will be, most likely sometime in May.  He goes for three appointments on the 7th of May.  His first one is xrays of his back and then another hearing test and to see the doctor about the results.  Jamie and I both hating going but at the same time we love it because we get to see “OUR” honey… lol  Yes, he calls him that sometimes.  I have to say that is the only thing we have to look forward to on these trips.  We love you, honey!

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Going to the beach

Well, it is official.  I made reservations this week to take the kids to the beach at the end of August.  It is a while off (I need that time to save to finish paying for the room and to have money to eat) but they have been made.  The boys are SO excited.  I am too, some.  I will get more excited when the time gets here.  I don’t want to wish the summer away.  I enjoy the summer when the kids are home with me all the time.  Jamie went with his dad this weekend but Jeremy decided not to go.  He hurt his wrist and ankle at recess in school and refused to go with his dad Friday evening.  I have told him and his dad that I will not force him to go ever again.  I am not saying that I won’t “let” him go but if he really doesn’t want to go, his dad is going to have to be the one to MAKE him go.  I did that one time when he was just 4 and that broke my heart.  He cried and grabbed on to me and I had to make him go.  I will never do that again.  If he were to lock himself in his room (which is what he said he would do the time before this that he didn’t want to go), I told his dad HE will have to go to his room and drag him out.  I will NOT make him go.  I can’t do that to him when he really doesn’t want to go.  I am not trying to stand in the way of him going with his dad but his dad will have to be the “bad guy” and force him.  He will be 10 in May and he knows his own mind and what he wants to do and not to do.  I don’t try to infulence him one way or the other.  I want him to love his dad.  I also want his dad to love him and show him that he does love him.

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